Home Schooling

‘Under my system, we will emerge from lockdown younger, slimmer and loved-up’

Sonia Kruger has spent two birthdays in lockdown, and she’s had enough.

Having just celebrated my second lockdown birthday, a thoughtful friend asked me what I wanted.

I said I’d like a credit. That is, a Covid credit for the past two years of my life, in which I have aged by 731 days and yet elsewhere time seems to have stood still.

So, I’m proposing we all subtract two years from our current age.

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Because, frankly, we have been ripped off since the beginning of this dumpster fire of a pandemic – and I’m blowing the whistle. I’m calling it out! And Covid, get ready, because I’m coming in hot for a refund.

Let me list a few of the items I believe we should all receive some credits for.

First up: remote learning.

Fortunately for my daughter Maggie I had to physically return to work after only two weeks, otherwise she may well have flunked Kindy altogether. Working from home was not an option and, to be fair, our six-year-old is the most computer-literate person in the house anyway, so this situation worked in our favour.

However, for the parents out there who have been homeschooling one, two, or if you’re a saint, even more kids, you have just notched up a handsome stack of Covid credits.

You can add these to your extra relationship points, because goodness knows we all deserve a few of those.

When conversation with your partner devolves to centering around which is the best high-pressure cleaner to buy (answer: the hot one) or why Handy Andy is never in stock and therefore how on Earth do you clean the floorboards (sexy!), you know you are just a few steps away from a post-pandemic dividing of the assets.

So let’s also deduct those two years from our relationships and try to get back in the black. And by the black, I mean… the sack.

Speaking of sacks, this brings me to the most important Covid credits required – if only to get us out of our loungewear.

We’ve been forced into a hostage situation with our refrigerators now for way too long. At first everything we ate while we kicked back at home were calories that didn’t count, much like the ones we once consumed in the car or from someone else’s plate (read: the kids’ leftover scraps).

Turns out that’s a classic piece of war-on-Covid propaganda – the “Covid curve” wasn’t just the rate of infection. It was also happening right before my eyes, in the muffin-top region.

Now the scales have become allies of the virus and are spreading untruths about our weight faster than peanut butter on a fresh crusty roll.

Anyway, I submit to you that we all need to deduct a kilo for every week we’ve spent in lockdown.

Under my Covid-credit system, we will all emerge from lockdown younger, slimmer and completely loved-up. Now, isn’t that a roadmap out of this mess that we can all agree is worth following?

Sonia Kruger will host Big Brother VIP, coming soon to Channel 7 and 7plus.

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Source: https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/health/under-my-system-we-will-emerge-from-lockdown-younger-slimmer-and-lovedup/news-story/b3631e3a100c8b6ecd36f301033a668d

Donovan Larsen

Donovan is a columnist and associate editor at the Dark News. He has written on everything from the politics to diversity issues in the workplace.

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