Sleepy Joe leads the work-from-home crusade

Rejoice, slackers of America! For there is a new figurehead leading your crusade for lunchtime naps, camera-off Zoom meetings and sea-level productivity. Yes, Brain-Dead Biden has, finally, excelled at something: he is the president that has spent most time at home.

According to CBS News White House correspondent Mark Knoller, who has been meticulously keeping tabs of Biden’s days off, since taking the White House as his official residence, the president has traveled to his home in Delaware fifty-five times. Whether he’s practicing his cycling skills, injuring himself while playing with his dogs naked or lounging in his $2.7 million summer house in Rehoboth Beach, this equates to him spending 174 days full or part days in the state where he served as senator for thirty-six years

Cockburn seems to recall Donald Trump getting hate for traveling back and forth to Mar-a-Lago, his Florida residence. Well, Knoller has claimed that Trump made just seventeen visits to Mar-a-Lago and thirteen to his New Jersey golf club, accounting for around 135 days. At least Trump was putting his time to good use. The former president seemed to spend basically every Sunday playing golf with adoring political allies. Cockburn hears his drive is fantastic.

When Fake News CNN approached the White House for comment, deputy press secretary Andrew Bates said: “Presidents of the United States are constantly on the job, regardless of their location.” Cockburn can sympathize with this, as he just took a Microsoft Teams meeting nude from the waist down.

The news has brought the liberal elites out to circle the wagons. One said, “ Fake News CNN doing its Fox News impression,” while another quipped, “What a pile of shit @CNNPolitics has become.”

So the next time you roll out of bed at noon, stinking of bourbon, eyes bleary from an evening of debauchery at your vacation home, don’t let your colleagues describe you “hungover” or “a trainwreck” at your next virtual meeting: you are presidential.

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